The Art of Authentic Connection: Mastering Vulnerability in Public Speaking

John Hain

How do you create a connection with your audience? To connect means to be real, to be authentic. The audience wants to know who you are as a person, not just as a presenter. They want to know your challenges and your triumphs. But what is the line between authenticity and wearing your heart on your sleeve? When should you show vulnerability and why?

Traditionally, you were expected to come to work and leave your emotions at home. You didn’t mix business with personal issues. Today, in a more enlightened society, we realize you can’t separate your emotions from your persona. The mind and body are connected. And in an era where people crave connection, they want to know you as a real person. Sometimes that requires vulnerability to create trust. When you’re vulnerable, you model your humanity. People learn it’s okay not to be perfect. It creates empathy and gives them permission to be genuine. Showing vulnerability can build trust when done in the right way.

But how do you share your vulnerability without making people uncomfortable?

Assess the environment

The first consideration is to create a safe space. When you know the audience you can be more forthcoming. It’s riskier to be vulnerable with strangers.

Recently, I attended a professional workshop. The CEO of the company kicked off the meeting as was always the case and participated in the two day curriculum along with other presenters. Everyone in the room knew who she was, some more than others. This was not a first encounter.

Set the stage

She began by saying she had an announcement that she was dreading but had decided to tell us anyway. She built up to the message instead of blurting it out. She talked about her feelings and that her news was difficult to share. In other words she primed us for what was to come.

Deliver the message clearly and directly

Then she opened up and told us she had been diagnosed with a chronic disease. We listened to her story of the first symptoms and the subsequent diagnosis. She created a picture with her story and told us that this disease runs in her family. And even knowing it was genetic she hadn’t anticipated this situation to be part of her future. She explained she would sit during the lecture to preserve her energy.

Make a request

The next step was to make a definitive request. She explained that well-intentioned friends and family were giving her advice, referrals, and remedies. It was overwhelming and not helpful. She asked that nobody approach her with advice or even share their own past experience. She reiterated her request three different times and stated it with conviction. It was clear that there would be no exceptions. To my knowledge everyone honored her wishes.

Recap and thank you. End on a positive note.

She let people know she felt hopeful and positive. She mentioned that she was looking forward  to the workshop and then kicked off the program with enthusiasm. It’s important to not be a Debbie Downer. Being vulnerable does not make you a victim. End on a positive note.

When done right, vulnerability can be transformative through:

• Deeper connections: Audiences relate to your humanity

• Increased trust: Openness fosters a sense of honesty

• Memorable impact: Personal stories often resonate more than facts and figures

  Be vulnerable, be authentic, be you.

  Do you remember a time when a leader was vulnerable? What was the impact it had on you?

 To learn how to Speak Confidently and Effectively check out my LinkedIn learning course. It ranked in the Top 20 Most Popular courses for 2 years.

To learn techniques to overcome fear of speaking, read Chapter 3 of Knockout Presentations.

To work with me contact DiResta Communications, Inc.

Five Microstressors that can Derail your Public Speaking

My cousin once told me that she was stressed. When I asked her what was stressing her  she said, “It’s the little things.” I found that odd. If she got stressed by little things how would she handle major events? Richard Carlson, author of the best selling book,  Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, seemed to agree. But it turns out we may have been wrong.

Harvard Business Review published an article by Rob Cross and Karen Dillon, entitled, The Hidden Toll of Microstress. What is microstress? It was determined that the “accumulation of small unnoticed events was affecting workers” well being. The researchers called these small continuous pressures “microstresses”. The difference is that stress is identified as  big, visible, recognizable challenges and setbacks. 

Microstressors are not that easy to notice. We may not be aware at the time that we are experiencing stress and may not have the language to describe the experiences..

The thought of giving a speech can be a major stress for many people. But what about those little things surrounding the talk that can act as a microstressor?

You may feel confident and prepared until these microstressors take you off your game.

Here are five microstressors that can gnaw away at your confidence and prevent you from giving a Knockout Presentation.

Technical Issues: The microphone may start cutting out, the slides may freeze, or the computer sound starts malfunctioning. Even with a rehearsal these things can happen.

Challenging Environment: The room may be too cold or too hot without the ability to adjust the temperature. The acoustics may be poor or the lighting may be inadequate. The cafeteria may be in another building meaning, the group could return late. The room is too small to accommodate the size of the group.

Uncooperative Audience: Audience members may be resistant or disengaged. They look at their phones or leave the room. You may notice side- talking. They don’t laugh at your jokes.

Time Pressures: You may be told that you have to cut the presentation short, or you may realize that you’re near the end and you only covered half of the material. Sometimes, time pressures are due to an executive who kicks off the meeting and usurps 20-30 minutes of your opening.

Last Minute Changes: Attendance may be sparse and you now have to modify the presentation without enough time. Right before the presentation the meeting planner may want you to cover a different topic.

Even the most experienced and confident presenters can encounter these microstressors.

Some are beyond the control of the speaker. Be aware and prepare. Stay focused on your message and purpose. Be flexible. When presented with a challenge I usually say,  “We’ll make it work.” Take a deep breath and throw perfection out the window. LIfe is too short to “sweat the small stuff.”

To learn how to Speak Confidently and Effectively check out my LinkedIn learning course. It ranked in the Top 20 Most Popular courses for 2 years.

To learn techniques to overcome fear of speaking, read Chapter 3 of Knockout Presentations.

To work with me contact DiResta Communications, Inc.

Public Speaking When the audience is invisible

The big day has finally arrived. You've rehearsed your presentation for months, and now it's time to step onto the stage. The spotlight hits, and suddenly, you realize—where is the audience? Anyone who’s been on a large stage knows that when all the lights are on you, the audience fades into darkness. You can’t see them, even though you know they’re right there in front of you.

Or maybe your presentation is happening online—you're leading a webinar, and the audience is nowhere to be found. All you can see is your slide deck. How do you create a connection? Where do you focus? How can you tell if the audience is engaged?

These are common concerns I often hear from clients. The good news is, whether you're on stage or online, there are effective ways to connect with your audience, even when you can’t see them.

In-Person: The Darkened Stage Dilemma

When you’re on stage, even if you can’t see your audience, you can hear them. Listen for laughter, the rustling of seats, or even a cough—these small cues remind you they’re there. Professional actors master this technique, and so can you. The key is to act as if the audience is fully visible.

Start by using strong stage presence and eye contact. Even if you can't lock eyes with individuals, break the room into quadrants and focus on delivering your message to different sections. This approach helps maintain the illusion of connection.

Movement on stage is also crucial. If you stay rooted behind a podium, staring into the dark, you’ll quickly feel like you’re speaking into a void. Instead, move intentionally to different parts of the stage to emphasize key points. This not only keeps you energized but also keeps the audience engaged—they'll naturally follow your movements.

One of the most powerful tools you have is interaction. Ask your audience to repeat a word or mantra. Encourage them to clap if they agree with a point. Add humor, and pause for laughter. Hearing any kind of response will reassure you that they’re with you, even when you can’t see them.

Virtual Presentations: The Screen Barrier

Virtual presentations pose an even greater challenge: the total absence of any visible audience. As one LinkedIn connection said, “My biggest challenge is not being able to see the attendees’ reactions, since my slides take up the whole screen.” This is a common frustration, but with a shift in mindset, you can overcome it.

The first step is to reframe your thinking. Consider yourself a news anchor giving a satellite interview—your job is to speak directly to the camera as if you're talking to one person. Reporters appear natural on camera because they’ve learned to focus on this invisible audience.

One strategy is to place a picture of a few friendly faces near your laptop camera, or even imagine you're speaking to an avatar. If you prefer real people, invite a few friends to sit in the room with you while you present.

Elizabeth Browning, an actress, trainer, and coach, suggests “making friends with the computer.” This means you need to treat your device like a person—talk to it, direct your energy into the camera, and visualize that energy extending across the virtual space to your audience. When you set this intention, your audience will feel your presence, even through a screen.

Final Thoughts: Connection Without Sight

Whether you're in a darkened auditorium or behind a screen in a virtual meeting, you don’t need to see your audience to make an impact. By mastering stage techniques and shifting your mindset for online presentations, you can create a meaningful connection with any audience—even when they seem invisible.

To learn how to Speak Confidently and Effectively check out my LinkedIn learning course. It ranked in the Top 20 Most Popular courses for 2 years.

To learn techniques to overcome fear of speaking, read Chapter 3 of Knockout Presentations.

To work with me contact DiResta Communications, Inc.

Mastering Panel Presentations: Elevate Your Delivery with 3 Expert Strategies

Think back to the last conference you attended. You were excited about a particular panel presentation. Maybe it was because of the topic or the presenter or both. You leaned forward in anticipation only to be disappointed.

This recently happened to me. The panelists had interesting information but it wasn’t easy to follow. One of the panelists spoke too fast. Another had a tendency to mumble intermittently. And the last panelist was difficult to hear. Fortunately, the Audio Visual person quickly boosted the sound level to amplify her soft voice. Afterwards, I approached the AV team to offer my appreciation   I thanked the audio engineer profusely.  He salvaged the panel and he did it seamlessly.

I reflected on my experience as a listener and how important it is for the panel to be clear. It’s not enough to rehearse the content. If the delivery is poor, the message doesn’t get through. If one panelist doesn’t perform well it affects the entire group.

To ensure your panel presentation captivates and resonates, consider the following 3 P’s:

Project. Having a clip-on microphone doesn’t guarantee the speaker will be heard. Hold your head up and speak out. Don’t speak down into your chest. This isn’t a one-to-one conversation. It takes energy to speak from a stage so don’t use your intimate voice.

Pronounce. It’s essential to enunciate sounds and syllables. The audience can’t see your mouth from a distance and this makes it difficult if they miss a word or phrase. Some presenters slur longer words and can sound like they’re speaking through a filter. It’s essential to pronounce the endings of words and realize that it’s the consonants that add clarity to your diction.

Pause. The audience will feel frustrated if the panelist rushes or speaks on one run-on sentence. Practice coming to a stop. Use a short one-beat pause after a sentence and a two- beat pause after a paragraph. Give the brain time to process the information. If the listeners can’t take notes, you’re talking too fast. Confidence and impact are amplified when speakers master the art of pacing.

Panel presentations are popular. It allows a different perspective on a topic and it’s more engaging to hear different voices. The success of the presentation requires all panelists to master their delivery as well as the message. Practice the three P’s to master your panel presentation skills and leave a lasting impact on your audience.

 To learn how to Speak Confidently and Effectively check out my LinkedIn learning course. It ranked in the Top 20 Most Popular courses for 2 years.

To learn techniques to overcome fear of speaking, read Chapter 3 of Knockout Presentations.

To work with me contact DiResta Communications, Inc.

The Fusion of Public Speaking and AI: Redefining Communication

In today's technologically driven world, artificial intelligence (AI) is being integrated into many aspects of life including public speaking.. From chatbots to driverless vehicles, AI's influence is reshaping industries and changing the way we interact with technology. And AI is making an important impact in the area of public speaking, transforming the way speeches are crafted, delivered, and received.

AI-Powered Speech Analytics

One of the most important AI  public speaking applications is speech analysis. Algorithms can evaluate speeches and presentations with impressive accuracy, providing feedback on  vocal  tone, pacing, and language usage.  Toastmasters International, some corporations, and of course speech coaches, have started using AI tools to enhance personalized feedback to presenters enabling them to fine tune their communication skills.

Beyond assessment, AI offers practical recommendations for improvement. For example,  AI can suggest adjustments to body language or vocabulary to increase clarity and impact. This real-time feedback allows speakers to see their video while being coached on a virtual platform instead of waiting to the file to be sent after a coaching session.  This simulates an in person coaching session whereby the coach films the client and shows the video immediately upon finishing the presentation. These AI public speaking tools are good practice tools for  reinforcement between learning sessions.

Content Generation and the End of Writer’s Block

Imagine no longer staring at a blank sheet of paper or a screen. In addition to analyzing speeches, AI is able to generate and curate content for speeches and presentations.. The Natural language processing (NLP) algorithms can quickly scrape the internet for a voluminous amount of data in seconds. With the proper prompts, AI can  identify relevant information, statistics, and anecdotes that can enhance a speech. AI  content generation tools can help speakers in crafting compelling stories by suggesting structure, key points, transitions and captivating titles. One cautionary note: Don’t assume that all content is copyright free. Edit the content in your own voice and insert personal examples.

This fusion of AI and public speaking shortens the speechwriting process and researches   credible and up-to-date information to back-up the message points.  Another benefit of AI is it can tailor content to specific audiences making sure the message resonates and is relevant to the particular group.   

Virtual Presenters and Audience Engagement

The increase in virtual communication platforms has given rise to  the integration of AI into public speaking. Holograms, natural language generation (NLG), and VR (virtual reality) create immersive environments. Virtual presenters can flex their delivery based on audience feedback. Given the insights they receive from AI, presenters can create deeper connections with the audience whether in person or virtual.

The Future of Public Speaking

The fusion of public speaking and AI is a paradigm shift in communication, offering  opportunities for speakers to hone their skills and connect with audiences on a deeper level. With continuing innovation,  AI will become an indispensable tool for speakers in all industries.

And while AI can enhance the efficiency and effectiveness of public speaking, it’s not a substitute for human interaction. It’s tempting to get caught up on the technology. But impactful communication requires authenticity, empathy, and real connection.  The best presenters will balance AI insights with human intuition and creativity to deliver compelling presentations. Remember: You are the brand.

What Kensington Palace Can Teach Us About Crisis Communication

To tell or not to tell. That is the question. When a crisis hits a company or institution what can you do so that it doesn’t blow up?  In January the public was told that Kate Middleton was going to have abdominal surgery and would not be fulfilling her duties until after Easter. The announcement occurred at the same time that King Charles would be treated in the hospital for a prostate issue. While King Charles was visible and didn’t deny his condition, we didn’t see or hear from Kate. The Palace said her surgery was planned. There was speculation about what was happening with her health. Was it serious? Over the weeks, curiosity turned to concern and even to fear for some Royal fans.  The family went silent. This led to wild imaginings and conspiracy theories. Was she in a coma? Was she dead? Was a divorce on the horizon? It created a media frenzy with pundits and media personalities sharing their theories and trying to decode the messages from the Palace.

In an attempt to quell the rumors, a past photo of Kate smiling with her three children was edited and sent out to the press. Quickly, the media rejected it because the picture had been doctored. It made things worse because it was dishonest. What we learned is that long silence on an issue and dishonesty, only serve to fuel the fire of gossip and controversy.

The first rule in crisis communication is get the story out and get it out fast. Otherwise, the media and the readers control the narrative. And give updates. Yes, Kate Middleton deserves privacy and time to heal, but she’s also a public figure. When she finally appeared in a heartfelt video, the public relaxed. While she may have been too ill to speak to the cameras, the Palace could have quoted her so that that the updates were her words instead of an official statement from a spokesperson.

Hopefully, the public and media will give Kate and her family the space that they need now that the truth is known.

So when it comes to communicating in a crisis

1. Plan a clear message.

2. Get the story out quickly.

3. Be transparent. Don’t lie. You’ll get caught and lose credibility.

In communication it’s all about the message. If you need assistance with your messaging contact www.diresta.com.

To learn how to Speak Confidently and Effectively check out my LinkedIn learning course. It ranked in the Top 20 Most Popular courses for 2 years.

To learn techniques to overcome fear of speaking, read Chapter 3 of Knockout Presentations.

To work with me contact DiResta Communications, Inc.

Your Presentation is in Your Head

My friend told me that when she was growing up she would pass a dilapidated house on the road. As they drove by she would envision a white picket fence among other embellishments. She saw the house refurbished in her mind. Her family would make fun of her. When they passed the next fixer upper on the road they'd say "What do you see now?" This was before the house improvement shows and even before Martha Stewart was on the scene. My friend could see a beautiful presentation when nobody else could.

When you give a presentation, do you see yourself as that dilapidated house or do you see the beautiful finished product? Do you see yourself with limitations or do you see yourself as you can be?

People fear public speaking because they have limited vision.

They see an image of themselves as ineffective and the audience as the adversary that keeps them stuck. It's time to change the picture! Public speaking is a skill anyone can learn. I've coached C-level executives and I've coached 7th graders to succeed. Not everybody is a visionary like my friend. But everybody can benefit from a champion. Whether it's a coach, a friend, a support group, an internal advocate, reach out and borrow someone's positive vision of you. The secret to a knockout presentation is the vision in your head!

To learn how to Speak Confidently and Effectively check out my LinkedIn learning course. It ranked on the Top 20 Most Popular courses for 2 years.

To learn techniques to overcome fear of speaking, read chapter 3 of Knockout Presentations.

To work with me contact DiResta Communications, Inc.

The One Speaking Mistake TV Presenters Make That Radio Presenters Don't

My mouth was watering. I was listening to a major network television broadcast. They were interviewing a restaurant owner and he was describing a delicious recipe. They talked about his menu, his background, and of course they all sampled the tasty dish. So far so good. They captured and kept my attention. Wouldn’t you want to go to a restaurant with such good food? There was only one problem. They ended the interview without mentioning the chef’s name, the name of the restaurant or the location. How frustrating! A lost opportunity for the restaurant and for me. It’s happened too many times to be a coincidence. If you don’t catch the opening line at the very beginning of the interview you won’t know who they’re talking about.

I can tell you this rarely happens on radio interviews. As a podcast and radio Interviewer, the host is trained to promote the guest. They’ll often mention the name of my book in the introduction. They’ll end by mentioning the book again, asking where people can buy it and how they can find the website.

A good presentation has a beginning, a middle, and an end. When coaching my clients I often find that the weakest part is often the end. Many public speakers leave off the conclusion. They’ll end with their last point or they’ll say “That’s it.” And the presentation ends with a thud, like a lead balloon. The purpose of the conclusion is to complete the presentation and tie it all together.

A good conclusion recaps the main points. Consider that some people may miss the beginning points. A good public speaker will be sure that the audience leaves remembering the main message. And the really skilled speaker will tell the audience the next step. It could be an upsell or food for thought (no pun intended). But they’ll tell the listeners how to continue to connect with the speaker and learn more.

So take a public speaking lesson from the radio interviewers. End with the key points and tell them who, what and where. And that’s a wrap.

Stop Saying Um in 6 Steps

Clients ask me all the time, “How do I get rid of my ums? Why do they care? We all use a few ums. I certainly do. But when you consistently say um and ah it can have negative effects.

I heard an Ivy League professor give a lecture online. It was an interesting topic except that he continually punctuated his talk with um. I lost interest.

Here’s the negative impact of using too many ums.

Loss of credibility. The audience expects a credentialed speaker to be effective.  Too many ums can make a seasoned speaker sound like an amateur.

Loss of attention. People will listen for just so long before they get bored and tune out.

Loss of message. If the audience checks out mentally, your message doesn’t get through. They lose information and you lose influence.

The good news is you can change all that. You’re not sentenced to a life of vocal tics. Here is a roadmap for eliminating ums.

Awareness. Why do people keep repeating the same habits and patterns? Because they lack self awareness. Change happens once people hear themselves. When I echo back a non-word or filler, clients will ask “Did I just say um?” They don’t hear it!!! Record yourself and tally the number of ums in your 1 to 3 minute talk. Now you have a baseline.

Negative practice. Next, choose a topic and deliberately say a lot of ums. Why? The natural inclination is to avoid saying um and that creates more hesitations, stops and starts, and nervousness. Don’t resist. Say as many ums as you can.

Look for patterns.  Identify the types of fillers or nonwords you use. Is it  um, ah, you know, okay like, basically? Some people start every sentence with um. If that’s you, cancel the sentence. Stop, count to three and say it again without an um. Do you say um right before a difficult word? If that’s your pattern, during your rehearsal, substitute a simpler word

Master the pause. Practice the same topic but this time, stop and pause. Why is so hard to pause? Most people are afraid of silence. When you finish a sentence come to a complete stop and don’t say anything. Allow for a silence. Exaggerate the silence. It takes practice to tolerate silence. Don’t speak until you can start the next sentence without saying um. Remember, the power is in the pause.

Rehearse. After working with thousands of presenters, I’ve seen a decrease in ums after rehearsals. The more you practice and the more you know your message, the more fluent you’ll become.

Accountability. Changing behavior requires continual practice and monitoring. Find an accountability partner or hire a coach. They can tally the number of ums during your meetings and presentations.  Instead of guessing you’ll have real time data.

Slipping up with an occasional filler or nonword in your presentations will barely be noticeable. But if your audience starts counting them, that’s an issue. Practice these 6 steps and you’ll be fluent in no time. For more tips, read Knockout Presentations.

My presentations, training and coaching are available virtually. It’s easy to find me to discuss your needs. Email diane@diresta.com.   DM me at twitter @speakingpro. Or call: 917 803-8663

Lessons from the Debates for Public Speakers

Debates are not just for politicians. Debates happen in meetings, in schools, and in personal settings when sparring with a friend. There are techniques from debates that apply to win others to a different point of view. While everyday situations don’t follow formal debate rules, we can take a lesson from watching debates.

Staging is important. The decision to stand or sit can have an impact on the process. Standing will definitely increase energy; however a seated position will create a more intimate feeling and will work to control more volatile personalities. In a meeting or panel discussion, be intentional about seating order.

Show some passion. How you speak is as important as what you say. The best idea won’t land unless it’s spoken with conviction. Soft spoken people need to push their energy.

Mind your facial expressions. In a contentious debate, it’s common for the opponents to smirk, shake their head, or roll their eyes. On a panel, or in a meeting this is unacceptable. Be cognizant of too much smiling. Even when smiling is meant to be condescending to the person speaking, it can backfire. This is especially true for women because of a double standard. Use it sparingly. It’s better to discredit the other person with logical statements and evidence.

Respect the rules. As in a debate, meetings and panel discussions are timed. When presenters interrupt or go over their time, it’s disrespectful to the listeners. Cut off interrupters by saying, “Excuse me, I wasn’t finished.” “My time isn’t up.” “Let me finish my point.” “Please don’t interrupt.” Talking over someone to shut them down, will cause valuable ideas and information to be lost. And the listeners will feel resentful.

The moderator is EVERYTHING. A debate is only as good as the moderator. The role of the moderator is to establish rules and expectations, manage the timing, make transitions, ask thought provoking questions, keep the debate focused, and manage personalities. A debate or meeting can quickly derail if the moderator is weak. And a lackluster moderator can create a boring experience. Be sure to vet the moderator and choose the most skilled, confident and versatile person to lead the debate or meeting.